For background on this story, read Four Random Paranormal Romance Novels, part 1.

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Eternal Kiss of Darkness by Jeaniene Frost

Why I chose it: Not really sure at this point. I thought the title seemed promising, and the cover was somewhat interesting… until I looked at it closely. Seriously, look at it.

Taken a good look? Good. See those red-looking blood blobs on the girl’s neck? On the real cover, they look like they’ve been added in MS Paint.

Not. Joking.

Also, the dude looks weird and the girl seems too coy and shy for the type of heroine in the book. The dude has some hair in his eye, which I’m wondering why he isn’t brushing off instead of looking at me like he wants me to watch. Creepy.

This is, honest to God, a terrible, terrible book. The heroine, Kira, gets bitten at about 1/3 of the book and has awesome vampire sex with Mencheres (let’s call him Menchy), our weird-looking dude from the cover who’s supposed to be an ancient Egyptian with long, straight black hair.

He wanted to show Kira things she hadn’t even imagined, take her to places she’d only heard of, and lavish on her extravagances that would shame a queen. It made no sense; he barely knew Kira, yet something in her called to him in a way that almost overpowered him. The last time he’d felt this strongly about a woman, kingdoms had fallen in his wake.

But the darkness of the underworld loomed before him, mocking him that his time was almost over. Kira had a future. He didn’t. He had to free her, both to let her life out her life and to let him finish what was left of his.

The storyline is basically that Menchy’s uncle, another old Egyptian dude, wants to get all of Menchy’s special vampire powers (like flying, reading minds, that kind of shit). When Menchy meets Kira, he’s decided to commit suicide by ghoul. When Kira tries to save his life and he has to revive her with his blood, she has to live in semi-captivity in his ginormous mansion (and the size of the house is proportional to the size of Menchy’s vampire genitals) in the suburbs of Chicago for about a week, during which he falls hopelessly in love with her (Menchy is 4500 years old, he can’t seriously be falling in love with anyone at this point) and decides to live.

Random and meaningless shenanigans ensue, including a trip to Disneyland’s underground tunnels, which cause Menchy to turn Kira into a vampire, and together they’ll go live happily ever forever in the vampire sunset after they get rid of the big bad with a phone call.

Yay.

What I learned: an old, dark and moody vampire does not a good book make. Also, don’t read anything by Jeaniene Frost ever again.

Courting Darkness by Yasmine Galenhorn

Why I chose it: I remember thinking the cover quite attractive, actually. The girl on the cover looks spunky and mysterious, and the white guy in the back has nice abs.

I wasn’t expecting to enjoy this books so much. It’s the 10th in a series, so I was rather confused at first, with all the mythology and the characters already established.

However, once I got past the confusing cast (werebadger anyone?) and started focusing on the story, it really was a good one. And pretty dark. Not exactly a romance (there’s no courtship here, trust me), but with some good sex scenes.

And I–I had my own secrets. Secrets that could lead Smoky to murder. I’d had no choice at the time–or rather, the only other option I’d had was worse than the fate I’d chosen. However you sliced it, this Solstice promised to be less than merry at our house.

Camille, the protagonist, has 3 husbands (lucky gal!), one of whom is a dragon (I wish I could marry a dragon!). This husband’s dad, however, is a crazy sadist who thinks that Camille got him cast out of his clan. Ensues a horrible ordeal of kidnapping, imprisonment and rape.

It wasn’t always easy to read, to be honest. I can’t imagine how difficult it is to write rape scenes. But it was done well, considering the genre. And I imagine that if you’ve been reading the series for a while, you’d be more invested in the character too.

The mythology and story world was super complex, but the book includes a little guide at the end to explain who everyone is and some elements of the world that aren’t that obvious.

All in all, it was a pretty decent, quick read. I won’t say I want to read the rest of the series, but I don’t feel like these hours were totally wasted.

What I learned: Romance can be pretty dark too! It’s not all emo vampires and knights in not-so-shining modern clothing.